dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
