Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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