I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
