I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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