We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
