The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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