With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
