i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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