i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
FUCK WHALES
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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