This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
did i just pee glitter
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
