I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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