Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
