about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
