In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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