I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
