I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
