I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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