All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
