Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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