my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
