I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
