her vagine was all disorganized.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
