we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
