You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
