You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
