You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
