Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
