U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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