So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
