I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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