sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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