She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
