Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
