No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
