I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
