I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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