Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
