I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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