I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Randomize
