It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
