HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
