Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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