if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize