On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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