My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
