she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
