I think I am morally bankrupt
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So here I am, sexting at work.
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