I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I am available for nakedness
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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