I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
