i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
