Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
