Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
