dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
my sisters under your porch take her home
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Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
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My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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