Apparently you make a good broom.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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