Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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