some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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