The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
