Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
