I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
