Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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