I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just had sex on a roof
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize