glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
