Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
