Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
