Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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