Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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