There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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