At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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