I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
