How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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