why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
