I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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