Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
