I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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