Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
