I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
