They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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