If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
