fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
