I puked a lego.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
