i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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