rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
