I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
