Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
