I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
