no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
